I grew up with God in my life. God came in the form of a Babtist church where there was music in the church, but you couldn’t clap afterward and there was no dancing! I had a grandmother who preached from the bible daily and crammed her belief and judgements down my throat to the point that I had to stop being around her. She died a few years ago, and I never said good bye.
She used to make me eat oatmeal with raisins instead of sugar. There were no indulgences. She and her sister made all their own bread, most of their own clothes and she brushed her teeth after every meal and had all of her own teeth until the day she died!
I hadn’t thought about my Grammie in a long time.
Recently someone asked me why I say “Universe”. I suppose I felt like God abandoned me a long time ago. My life has been a maze of self sabotage, self discovery, self loathing… so many things that aren’t good for the self. The truth is, God never abandoned me; I walked away. But God has always been there, that voice whispering in my ear, that gut reaction to something that I didn’t listen to; that calling that I ignored… God’s always been there watching over me as I floundered about thinking I could do it all on my own.
I’ve never been one to read the bible on a regular basis. God isn’t the bible. God for me is that presence that is there in the middle of the night when I’m crying on the bathroom floor because I don’t want to do it alone anymore. I heard that voice say “You’re never alone. I’m always here. Just lean on me.”
I’ve handed a lot over to God lately. Stuff I just can’t carry anymore. Now I know that so many people get squicky when others talk about God. I don’t want to be my Grammie. I just want to recognize where I am and that I believe that God walks with me and watches over me… always.
There are so many words for the concept, amongst so many faiths.
I don’t believe in a figure, or a person with a particular set of characteristics. I believe in a God characteristic, that can be found in everything.